she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
