please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
