Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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