Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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