You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
