just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
