i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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