well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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