I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
