How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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