Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
