The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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