How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
