Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
