It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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