How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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