2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
