Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
