she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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