somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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