I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
