I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
