I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
