I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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