I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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