Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
