he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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