I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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