I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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