There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
