Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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