Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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