Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
