I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
