Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
