she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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