And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize