all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
