You're so nebulous sometimes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
