I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
