i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
