talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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