Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
