JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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