It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
