wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
