The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
