sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
