Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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