She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize