Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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