If that was your dad, he is hot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry about my life...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
