To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize