Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize