I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
