Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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