I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
