i permit you to call me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize