after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize