If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
