So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
