i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
