Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
