I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
