The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize