I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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