When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
where are my pants?
in the oven.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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