some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
