We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can I color on your dick again?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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