just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize