the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
