I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
