Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
