I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
