Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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