are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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